


Be Mine, Valentine?

by Naner



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/M, First chapter is just a bit of angsty fluff, Fluff, Pining, Smut will build up soon!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-21 23:49:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13751763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naner/pseuds/Naner
Summary: The sole survivor has been void of anything but anger since she was thawed out. But working with Nick Valentine has made her realize something: perhaps there's more than one emotion she's fighting. Will she muster the courage to finally tell the old synth that she loves him?





	Be Mine, Valentine?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Nick Valentine, Fallout 4, or any other Bethesda characters. This is just the work of a horny author who continues to be mad at the lack of romance options for a synth.

Time stood still. Not even her husband’s pocket watch felt like it was working anymore. Laying on her seldom used bed, in the home they had bought so long ago but now only used for settlers passing through, she felt the entire cosmos come to a screeching halt and fall directly onto her shoulders.

Sometimes she wished she had died in the Vault instead of Nate. Nothing had honestly felt real since she was thawed out so _viciously_. Her anger had soared higher than it ever had been the second time she woke up. It was that same something to feel when staring off into space to assure her that she was still in this moment. Still **fighting**.

Two hundred years of prolonged life. Of deprived of laughter, watching her baby grow up, and of so many more picture-perfect memories she had dreamt of. Memories.  _ Emotions _ . The very thing that now led her on a warpath through the Commonwealth.

Her insides were twisted in knots from the overwhelming voice screaming in her head. It felt as if a hoard of mole rats had suddenly woken up to claw around through the pit of her stomach and up into her busy brain. They hadn’t left since the first dance. Months - she assumed it was months because it was a terribly hard thing for a traveler to keep track of time doing what they did - had passed. But the feeling never faded, it only grew stronger.

The sole survivor’s first companion hovered uselessly around the dining room, eyestalks bowed in worry. It wasn’t like her to cut off communication so abruptly. There was radio silence - no solid link between them. Codsworth was worried about her like a parent to sick child. The bot had no idea what was happening in her head and that was  _ terrifying _ . Usually he could read her every thought she had if she was so upset about something. She was very forward when she was in distress, expressing that Codsworth was the only one, even back in the old world, that understood her and cared enough. Until **_he_ ** came into her life.

The former lawyer, however, didn’t want Codsworth to know of what was eating her up.  _ Plaguing  _ her mind. She knew he’d be cross with her and wasn’t ready to get a lecture for something she was only starting to realize.

Her eyelids shut and memories came to her vision. A smirking face that was worn for wear. Piercing eyes that lulled her into a sense of security for once. His soft, smokey laugh that could always make her giggle in return. That look in his eyes when they  _ danced- _

With a soft exhale, a warm breath came swirling past her lips in a gentle spiral that came and went so quickly. She let her eyes open halfway as she felt her body getting warmer. It was that weird tingling feeling she got when she thought too much. Those mole rats stuck in the pit of her stomach were canned and rattling around enough to make her sick. 

Her hands fell to her sides and her fingers instinctively curled in the sheets beneath her. All she could think of was him:

_ Nick Valentine. _

Oh, she had kept herself in the dark about her own feelings until that floozy of a dame had flirted with him on their second outing to look for Shaun. She had never felt so green with envy until that moment. So when the synth had turned his back, she had made sure to find the closest cram can and quietly dumped into the broad’s drink. There was a sick satisfaction to watching her throw up and humiliate herself in front of the whole club as the survivor sidled back up to Nick without anyone being any the wiser.

That wasn’t _like_ her. None of this was like her. He made her feel so  _ strange _ . But so **good** at the same time. No one made her feel this way. Not even Nate!

Nick made her feel special, and not just because she was essentially a living, breathing time traveler. People adored that. Envied it. Tore her up so much that her body was like Frankenstein’s monster with all the stitches and new scars. But Nick? For once, she knew that perhaps someone wouldn’t find her to be just another potential organ donor or naive Vault dweller. But he was surrounded by so many beautiful women in Diamond City that she could never compete with. What if she was just an ugly ragdoll to him until he found someone better?

It was always rooted in the back of her mind that she was easily replaceable due to her imperfections. That was her greatest fear since finding out more about Shaun’s disappearance. The Institute needed all the wayfaring travelers to do what they needed and then sent in replacements to lead their lives while the humans got incinerated or experimented on.

Could he love someone like her? Or would he feign interest just so long as they kept collecting those Winter tapes. She wanted so badly to set him free from his own personal hell. It wasn't fair for the Institute to imprison him in his own memories and keep him away from a new life. One that wasn’t tied down to his name. She wanted his freedom - love or not. Would he still want her around after the case was finally closed? Or would he go his own separate way to live life anew?

The survivor felt the hot sting of her tears roll down her cheeks. She didn't move to wipe them away, there would be more.

Why was she like this? Why were these feelings so terrifying?

She loved him! Love, love, L-O-V-E,  **loved** him. She wanted to kiss him and hold his hand like all the old movies she watched. Like all those empty feelings she had forced herself to have for Nate, but this time they would  _ mean  _ something. To have him permanently by her side when she traveled… She wouldn't be so _alone_. They could have fun! Time would be nothing - she had so much catching up to do anyway.

“Oh  _ Nick _ !” she cried, sending her Pip-Boy clear across the room. The impact caused her to flinch, the woman recoiling at the sharp thud. 

She could go to him! Go all the way back to Diamond City, swing open the doors of his office, and ask for him to stay with her. Or she could stay in the city with him - she had bought that place in the market just so she could visit more frequently. If only he weren’t so rapt up in the Eddie Winter case… he would still be with her instead of pouring over the case files every goddamn night.

Running her fingers through her hair, she let out a choked sob. The fear of rejection ran icy through her veins. If she showed up, confessed her love, and  _ then  _ what? What if he looked at her like she was crazy? He had mentioned so many times that he was ‘just a machine’ - would their romance be mocked? No doubt he would be wary and guard himself to more humiliation. She saw the insults he took with such witty repartee but knew that deep inside, it must hurt his ego after all these years. That’s why the whole Eddie Winter thing was so important to him, wasn’t it? Not being able to be his own man. Just the memories of a dead cop.

If only he knew how handsome he was through her eyes. The gentle glow of his eyes watching over her while they camped out for the night made her feel safe in this hellscape. Smoke escaping through the cracks of his synthetic jaw as he took an inhale of his cigarette. She had studied all of those cracks when she spoke to him, always trying to sneak glances at his wiring without him noticing. While he considered himself an antique, she saw a brave, tenderhearted detective who was determined to bring all wrongdoers to justice while serving the poor and innocent of the Commonwealth.

She _knew_ Nick. She knew that he wouldn’t see what she saw. He’d brush it off as radiation poisoning. No one would love an old, broken synth. He was so stubborn in his thinking sometimes…

Oh, she’d scream it from the Mayor’s office that she loved him. She’d allow herself to be shunned from everyone so long as it meant she could be with Nick for the rest of her days.

Defeated, she collapsed back onto her bed and stared up at the worn ceiling above. Tears escaped down the corners of her eyes, cleaning the grime off her as it went. 

Damnit, she couldn’t live like this forever. She could take her frustration out on as many Raiders as she needed. What she couldn’t do was hide her emotions from her friends. Codsworth and Preston would worry their precious heads off at the prospect of her unhappiness. They were so sweet to her. But they also depended on a level-headed General to keep helping the Commonwealth. What use would she be just murdering Raiders to just feel _something_ instead of actually helping settlers out?

Most of all, Nick would find out sooner or later. He’d be crushed if they stopped looking for the tapes together. Hell, he’d even be crushed not solving her case of finding Shaun. He was a man of honor and she  _ had  _ saved him after all. This was part of his life now too, he wouldn’t give up easily.

With a heavy sigh, she forced herself up from the bed and into the cracked, wooden chair that she used to sit in for countless hours typing up legal documents for work. Maybe the words that couldn’t fall from her lips could come from her furiously typing fingers. If she could just write how she felt over and _over_ again, just maybe they wouldn’t sound so foreign when she said them aloud.

The first sentence was easy:

‘Nick, I love you.’

The survivor propped herself up with a ragged pillow as she prepared for another sleepless night, hoping that this time it would be one of the last.


End file.
